The Honorable Crackitisious Jones Esquire

The Honorable Crackitisious Jones Esquire
One with the world

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Don Strikes Again



            Crackity Jones here my beauties, sadly this post has a morbid theme. That most evil of fiends Don Diabolico has struck again. While some of my students were taking their final test that, should they pass, would allow them into the most inner sanctums of justice and do-goodery, a vile group of miscreants threw an explosive device into a group of younger students waiting to congratulate the test takers. Several of the youth were injured, some of them are still hospitalized and others have even lost limbs. A truly horrid and terrifying event indeed.
           
            The act was attributed to a Fraternity of a rival school but I knew the truth of the situation. That while the action may have been caused by the Frat it was the Don who set the plans in motion. There are many arguments in the world about whether or not Nature or Nurture is the leading effect in how a human being will act. The Don is possibly the strongest argument for the effects of being naturally inclined to do wrong. While I still know little about his childhood I know that he has had several wives all who loved him completely, his doting sister and step-brother both have been used by the Don, and of course the worst of all is the Don’s act of matricide. His mother was a lovely woman, granted she did not give me any information that could help stop her son, she was a helpful and loving woman. I should have never let it slip to the Don that I had talked to her. Ah look at me dwelling on past mistakes.

            Anyway the Don is an embodiment of villainy, a man who loves to wreak chaos and distress everywhere he goes. No doubt his knowledge of me joining the BVC has sent him into a terror that he is now trying to threaten anyone I care about in an effort to draw me away. Rest assured I have warned my closest companions and Paco and I have prepared the BVC for full lockdown should the necessity arise.

            What is most disturbing of all is the potency the Don has when inciting people. I have seen it all over the world, people with opportunities for greatness that throw them away on senseless acts of violence getting turned by the fear they cause. They prey especially on symbols and events of happiness and cooperation. The beauty and majesty that could be the human race is squandered on their petty squabbles, and we who would have peace spend our lives trying to remove the evil that the Don has indoctrined in them. Yet we never seem to catch up. So now I am after the source of the trouble to permanently stop this senseless violence and greed. It has been a long chase, lasting over a century now. I win some battles but the Don never seems to relent and finds new ways to perpetrate the same old heinous acts. So my message to you dear readers is to arm yourself against this evil. Go to school, never stop learning, keep an open mind, and most importantly dig past the superficial and discover some truth. If you do this the Don’s power will shrivel and die most assuredly.

Keep those who have suffered under the Don’s acts in your prayers regardless of your beliefs, just your thoughts are power enough…  

Sunday, September 26, 2010

MANGOS! MANGOS! MANGOS!

 MANGOS! MANGOS! MANGOS! Who wants a mango? How about you old man Cecil? What about you little orphan Lewis? Mangos for everyone and their mother. Crackity Jones here once again my faithful flock proclaiming my great love of the yellow-orange fruit called the mango. Mmmm just saying it is like music to the ears. Say it with me now children Manggggggggooooooo.

The mango fruit is found in abundance in the Philippines, but only here in the gardens of the BVC do we find the Mango Sultan Chele Porfuan. Legend has it that Chele was conceived under a mango tree while two lovers ate the sensual fruit thus giving Chele his natural affinity with all things Mango. He is seldom seen anywhere else in the fortress than the garden. He eats, sleeps, and even writes Poetry, mostly about mangos, all under his beloved fruit bearing trees. A sample

Oh succulent life giving orb
Yours is the bounty which I do adore
Whether squeezed to a juice or plucked fresh from a tree
I eat your nourishment right to the seed
From the shade of you boughs I will never retreat
The secrets of your beauty I shall forever keep
Till that final day caught in deaths throws
I shall ever praise the glorious Mango

I know what you’re thinking. Is this guy’s skin different because of all the mangos he eats? And the answer is yes, yes it is. With the amount of sun he gets combined with the orange and yellow you get a beautiful color that is like a mix between caramel and that orange ice cream popsicle flavor. What’s it called? Is it Funsicle? We’ll go with that. Anyway in my wanderings around the home base I have begun to chat up sweet Chele on the adventures of his life. I like to catalogue others adventures as well so as to keep up with the ever changing world. Initially it was hard to get Chele to talk about anything except how much he loves mangos. After sometime though I was able to get him talking about how he came to the BVC. You see while Chele loves the fruit he also is an adept scientist and believes that many cures can come from the mango. His main experiments are focused in eternal youth and I must say he is doing well. Granted he has to eat a mango every half hour or so to keep it up (he has an iv of mango juice at night) he doesn’t look a day over 35 and him being at the ripe old age of 215. Granted about 170 of those years were in the BVC with his mangos. Being as I have travelled this earth for about half a millennia I was happy to be able to talk about the old issues that he missed like; When do you think the Russian Royal Family will take their country back from the Bolshevik’s, Have you heard of this new stuff called toothpaste, and of course what’s up with General Burnsides’ facial hair?

These conversations continue where they left off every time I enter the garden and my knowledge of mangos is quickly becoming vast. Other than that life is found a comfortable pattern here, our BVC warriors are continuing their driver towards perfection, Paco and I are dining with Senators and Judges at late night lounges, and the lizards are singing us to sleep with the sweet melodies of Billy Joel and Neil Diamond.

Sweet Caroline Bah! Bah! Bah! good times never seemed so good, so good, so good…