Damn you Roman and your penchant for getting Paco and I into the most reckless and foolhardy of adventures. “Let’s go to a graveyard on Halloween, all of the Filipinos do it, what could be more fun than celebrating the lives of the dead on the holiday of the dead.” It’s dialogue right out of a zombie movie and I should have been wiser. What can I say I have a hard time turning down a party especially when the tab is covered by someone else. My affluence for parties nearly got me killed as Paco and I’s worst fears were realized again as the dead decided that laying in a coffin wasn’t as fun as terrorizing the living. Before I get too far into my story I want to point out how terribly cliché’ these zombies were, I mean reanimating on Halloween that’s almost as bad as proposing on Valentine’s Day.
So there we were casually enjoying a roast pig and minted lamb sipping on fine sherry having a conversation on how ridiculous American Eating Contests were. They compete to see who can eat the most while millions die daily from starvation, amazing. It was as Paco and I were doing our best Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi impressions that we noticed the ground under us begin to shake. The other party goers dismissed it as a small earthquake but Paco and I knew otherwise. We felt tremors like this before, years ago in Bolivia. In a flash we started looking for shelter and any weapons we could use. I grabbed a pig leg and broke off the leg of a table and Paco pulled out the 9mm he always carries. “Thank God for the 2nd amendment,” he cried.
As expected our new friends were terrified at our sudden outburst but after firing off a round we got their attention quickly. As the sound of the gunshot subsided we began to hear the first screams as the undead began to overtake the cemetery. This was followed by the crack of more gunshots from the guards patrolling the graveyard. The earth began to shake under us again more violently than before so Paco and I rounded up the people who had not fled in terror and herded them towards a large mausoleum. A few were tripped up by hands grabbing at them from the earth and were quickly pounced on by the growing hoard. My side began to burn and I feared that I had been bitten or clawed but I soon realized that it was a side ache from the large feast running and cracking heads with the pig and table legs.
As soon as we got them safely inside and secured any possible zombies in the tombs we boarded up the doors and began to see what resources were at our disposal. Other than Paco’s 9mm there was little that could do much against the ever growing threat. Knowing that we couldn’t hold out for long we grabbed a phone and made a call to the Protectors of Eternal Death, I know sweet name right one of my better quips I must say, and told them of the outbreak. The Protectors are an elite squad of soldiers that I founded after the Bolivia incident. Headed up by the only survivor of that event other than Paco and me Balthazar Ruengrad, they specialize in zombie warfare, and were our only hope.
We waited for about an hour checking and rechecking our perimeter as the screams of the living slowly diminished into a clear monotonous groan. Knowing it was only a matter of time before they found our hideaway I hugged Roman and Paco goodbye and decided to lead as many of the zombies as I could away from the mausoleum. While I led the zombies away Paco and Roman would make a break for the BVC complex where we were more prepared to deal with this situation. We opened a crack in one of the doors and I slipped through. Moving slowly I crept along the outer perimeter of the mausoleum taking in my surroundings. The zombies were in small clusters huddled around what I only assume were bodies of the former living. At the bottom of the stairs I noticed the bodies of two of the guards one was decapitated and torn to pieces the other was groaning and crawling up the stairs towards me. I took my table leg from earlier and put the zombified guard out of his misery. This gruesome scene turned out to be a blessing as the guards weapons were strewn over their bodies. I grabbed their shotguns and pistols and bolted back up the steps shoving the shotguns into the mausoleum to help out Paco and the others. I kept both of the pistols for my own defense and took off yelling to gain the attention of those foul beasts.
For the next part of this saga I want you to remember the most terrifying moment of your life… Got it? Ok now I want you to remember the most tired you’ve ever been. Now combine those two together and you have the next 2 days of my life. I was in a graveyard near Alabang Metro-Manila when I first started running. I tried to warn everyone that I could while I ran but they just laughed at this crazy white man running. Their laughter was soon replaced by screams and moans. The congested traffic system became several people’s undoing. The jeepneys, tricycles, motorbikes, and other autos acted like a giant labyrinth death trap, and still I ran.
Night soon closed in around me and I began to move from one source of light to another taking sanctuary in being able to see. I had hoped that I could stay ahead of the waves of undead but I came to realized that I was completely surrounded. Buildings and skyscrapers casted imposing shadows and the Technicolor street lamps made me feel like I was in some sort of Circus of Horrors. The groaning of the animated corpses grew in volume to the point where I couldn’t tell where they were coming from. I decided that one direction was as dangerous as any other and started heading west. For the first time all day it seemed my luck had changed as I soon heard the comforting sounds of waves washing ashore. I followed the sound to the beach where a small group of people were busy loading a boat in an attempt to flee.
I approached the group slowly hands above my head in a sign of surrender should they be worried about whether or not I was among the living. I promised them that I meant no harm and asked if I could join their escape. Immediately arguments broke out among the group if I could be trusted or if I would slow them down. While they were yelling at each other I noticed the sounds of groans growing louder. I turned around to find a mass of zombies marching towards us. Without hesitation I began to fire at the closest attacker yelling at the group to finish packing and get on the boat. Their arguments ceased immediately and they quickly secured the rest of their provisions. When I saw that they were finished I sprinted to the boat as they were pushing away from the dock barely making the jump. We made quick introductions; there were 7 of them, 4 college students, a middle aged woman, a priest, and the owner of the boat. They told me they planned to go to Mendiola, Manila to find safety with the Filipino military. While I would generally avoid large cities during a zombie out break I knew that Paco and Roman were heading the same way so I grabbed a paddle and joined in the escape.
We paddled for through the night and well into the next day. I did not sleep a wink for a fear that one of my new companions might do something stupid. People generally lose common sense during a zombie outbreak and I knew I had to stay awake until I rejoined Paco or the P.E.D. came. Of course trying to force myself awake put me right to sleep and while I enjoyed a few minutes of shut eye the rest of the group saw a large tanker just off shore with people moving on top. Without consulting me they anchored themselves next to it and climbed aboard. I awoke in a room onboard the tanker to the sound of screams as the infection had found its way to the ship and my new compatriots were the next victims. As I was preparing to enter the corridor I was shaken to the ground by an explosion. I heard the buzzing of the P.E.D.’s raptors bombing a zombie ridden ship. The tanker began to sink and I knew I had precious seconds before I was completely surrounded by the cold dark Pacific. I left my room and began frantically searching for anything to help me out of this predicament. After tearing my way through 3 rooms wasting all but 3 of my remaining rounds and water now at my waste I found what I was looking for, a scuba set. Not wasting any time I suited up and began swimming my way to the surface. Smelling blood in the water sharks gathered around the sinking ship like flies on a carcass. After what seemed like hours, only it was actually about 30 minutes as that was all the air I had, I made it to the surface to see the bow of the boat sink into the ocean.
Thankfully I was only about a half a mile away from shore so I started making the swim. When I reached shore I found myself in Intramuros. Intramuros is the oldest sector in Metro Manila and is only about a mile or two away from the BVC complex. With a new found spirit I started my run again, only to be greeted by even larger hordes of zombies. Manila was nearly overrun. This time though I was much more comfortable with my surroundings and the maze of the city was working to my advantage as I led many undead down dead ends (ha-ha good pun) where I was able to escape via fire escape or by climbing over a wall. My stores of energy were greatly depleted by this time and I felt more like the zombies than one of the living but I gritted my teeth for what I hoped would only be a few moments more of running. At last I had the Pasig River in sight and the bell towers of the BVC complex. I saw evidence of Paco’s handiwork in a dump truck covered in rubble blocked the entrance into the school, and as we had planned a rope dangling from one of the towers. I made the final sprint to the rope yelling for Paco or Roman and as I put my feet and hands on the open loops I was pulled to safety. Apparently Paco and Roman had made it back the night I led the zombies away driving the dump truck through all of the traffic. You can read more about it here http://coreyfriend.blogspot.com/2010/11/halloween-in-philippines.html . I should warn you that Paco likes to write under his alter-ego Corey Friend. I keep telling him that creating a fake persona will only confuse his readers but he does it anyways. Some people right? Anyways I slept for the next 24 hours while the P.E.D. went to work clearing the outbreak. Within days we were clear and life was returning to normal. Paco and I shared a laugh at the chance that the zombies would come back for us a third time. We then quickly knocked on wood realizing that it would most likely happen to us again.
Proud to be among the living…
