Crackity Rages Against the New York Yankees

What in carnations? Wait what do flowers have to do with this? AAAGGGG I’m so mad I can’t even get my exclamatory remarks right. Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble, Rabble.I swear to all things holy and unholy, how in the hell can people take any pride in being a fan of the New York Yankees? We all know the reasons why they win, they sit back and wait for players to prove themselves in the league, become fan favorites and hometown heroes, and then offer them more money than their current team is worth. After they leave the team that made them into the players they trusted and loved, their old fans turn bitter and vengeful, booing and jeering them whenever their name is announced on the loud speaker. But what do the players care, they’re playing for the Yankees while becoming filthily rich. Of course then they are traded when they don’t hit at least 20 homeruns and a batting average of .270, whereupon they still have the pariah stamped on them from betraying the team that made them what they are.

So by now you’ve probably noticed that this post is a little different from my usual musings but we have entered playoff baseball season and I see the Yankees are up to their usual shenanigans. Right now they are playing a humble little team from the Midwest known as the Twins. Now I don’t like to play favorites but any team playing the Yankees is the team I want to win. While the Twins seem to be struggling to produce much offensively their defense in general has been top notch. It’s just too bad that the umpires seem to be on a mission to erase their hard work. Strike after strike is thrown and ball after ball is called. This indignant spectacle has happened twice now, a Yankee should have struck out on a pitch and then hits a lead gaining hit the next pitch.

Oh it is enough to make one weep, but then I remember there is no crying in baseball and of course I run for the liquor cabinet. But should we be really that surprised, this is the classic behavior found in all evil empires. They will do anything to win even if that means reshaping the rules to their own advantage. While this whole ordeal has been rather heartbreaking the worst part of all is the announcing of the games. The dialogue is filled with not so subtle favoritism towards the Yankees, and when they are not massaging the ego of the baseball giant they are filling the listener’s ears with the most senseless and pathetic dribble ever uttered in human speech. All it consists of is taking some popularized sports catchphrase and using it repeatedly at the most inopportune moments to create the illusion that they know something about the sport or about the team facing the Yankees.

Uggh I hardly know what to do with myself. Thankfully I have taken up the cooking duties for the monastery for the weekend. Nothing like the smell of my signature potato soup and fish frying to put me in a better mood. However make sure you are cooking for a large group as a surplus of food can do quite a bit of damage on the hips, they do not lie.

Back to the boiling pot, as you know if you stare hard enough it you can prevent it from boiling no matter how hot the water is, or at least that’s what I think the expression is. Bon Appetite…

Musings on Time Travel

 A month my friends, a month have I spent in the service of the BVC. It seems like it was only 27 days ago riding with the Admiral through the earth. But as they say time flies, which when you think about it is a very odd term. Flying time as if time is normally under the constraints of gravity, oh well I’ll ask Einstein next time I’m wandering around the early 1900’s. Which happens to be the topic of my post today; Time Travel.

Now I don’t like to bend the likes of time to often as the more you discover in the past the more the future as well as the present you know becomes vastly different. There are many schools of thought on how time travel can change the future and the different paradoxes that will arise: the Terminator Paradox of a son sending back his father to procreate himself, or the shifting time in Back to the Future that is changed as Marty McFly tampers with his parents childhood, and of course the very complex and ever changing time logic found in Doctor Who. In my experience though it has been a combination of all of these, it all depends on the event and the people. Really it is pretty hard to explain but rest assured that the fabric of existence in intact, I think, well the important thing is don’t worry.

As such I have seen quite a bit of this world’s history and it is fantastic. I’d share some tidbits with you but I do feel a moral obligation to keep things secret left that way, however I do pop in on some friends every once and a while with lottery ticket picks and the like. Oh and the song We Didn’t Start the Fire was written by Joel and I as an attempt to shift the focus of our actions when we tried drinking our way through moments in history. So truthfully Billy Joel and I did start the fire but unintentionally on one hell of a bender. Yeah not the best choice I’ve made but Joel got a hit song out of it so not a total loss. Since then I have been much more careful when traveling in time, I don’t take shots anymore.

As I await the next term to start my teaching I’m spending some time traveling some history as a refresher. Hanging out with Caesar, although I wouldn’t recommend doing this when he’s courting Cleopatra, talk about whipped. Smoking cigars with Churchill, I’ve seen him take a drag for up to two minutes, and of course who could pass up playing guitar with Ziggy Stardust himself. No not David Bowie  I mean the real Ziggy who rocked Madison Square Garden in the classic 2080 show The Martian Invasion. Oh wait that hasn’t happened yet. Forget what I just said and go back to your 2/2 techno/rap music.

Bum Ch Bum Ch Bum Ch…

The Don Strikes Again

            Crackity Jones here my beauties, sadly this post has a morbid theme. That most evil of fiends Don Diabolico has struck again. While some of my students were taking their final test that, should they pass, would allow them into the most inner sanctums of justice and do-goodery, a vile group of miscreants threw an explosive device into a group of younger students waiting to congratulate the test takers. Several of the youth were injured, some of them are still hospitalized and others have even lost limbs. A truly horrid and terrifying event indeed.

           

            The act was attributed to a Fraternity of a rival school but I knew the truth of the situation. That while the action may have been caused by the Frat it was the Don who set the plans in motion. There are many arguments in the world about whether or not Nature or Nurture is the leading effect in how a human being will act. The Don is possibly the strongest argument for the effects of being naturally inclined to do wrong. While I still know little about his childhood I know that he has had several wives all who loved him completely, his doting sister and step-brother both have been used by the Don, and of course the worst of all is the Don’s act of matricide. His mother was a lovely woman, granted she did not give me any information that could help stop her son, she was a helpful and loving woman. I should have never let it slip to the Don that I had talked to her. Ah look at me dwelling on past mistakes.

            Anyway the Don is an embodiment of villainy, a man who loves to wreak chaos and distress everywhere he goes. No doubt his knowledge of me joining the BVC has sent him into a terror that he is now trying to threaten anyone I care about in an effort to draw me away. Rest assured I have warned my closest companions and Paco and I have prepared the BVC for full lockdown should the necessity arise.

            What is most disturbing of all is the potency the Don has when inciting people. I have seen it all over the world, people with opportunities for greatness that throw them away on senseless acts of violence getting turned by the fear they cause. They prey especially on symbols and events of happiness and cooperation. The beauty and majesty that could be the human race is squandered on their petty squabbles, and we who would have peace spend our lives trying to remove the evil that the Don has indoctrined in them. Yet we never seem to catch up. So now I am after the source of the trouble to permanently stop this senseless violence and greed. It has been a long chase, lasting over a century now. I win some battles but the Don never seems to relent and finds new ways to perpetrate the same old heinous acts. So my message to you dear readers is to arm yourself against this evil. Go to school, never stop learning, keep an open mind, and most importantly dig past the superficial and discover some truth. If you do this the Don’s power will shrivel and die most assuredly.

Keep those who have suffered under the Don’s acts in your prayers regardless of your beliefs, just your thoughts are power enough…