The Honorable Crackitisious Jones Esquire

The Honorable Crackitisious Jones Esquire
One with the world

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Soldiers of the BVC

To start out here is my address in the Philippines if you should care to send me anything, anything at all. A letter, a basket of goodies, some high quality whiskey, anything. Not that you need to, just saying.

Abbey of Our Lady of Montserrat
Mendiola, Manila, Philippines - 02 735 6011

Now then having been with the BVC for about a week I think it is time that I introduce you all to the cast of characters who has made my stay so enjoyable.

First off there’s Tarcisio. Tarcisio is the head of the order and one of the oldest members in the BVC. He commands the admiration and respect of all around him. While his brethren come at his beck and call he is fairly soft spoken and prefers to lead by example.  It was Tarcisio who first contacted me and asked me to teach his new recruits. I was hesitant at first but Tarcisio informed me of his past rivalry with Don Diabolico and there was no stopping my journey to his domicile.

Then there is Prior Raphael who like his Ninja Turtle namesake is the serious one. He is the overseer of the Order’s defenses. At time though his stern brow will soften and you will see and hear him laugh. It is truly a sight. However when it comes to defending the honor of the BVC he is all business. This wheeling and dealing vagabond will pull out all of the stops in order to protect his house.

Next up is Rembert. Rembert has been assigned to be mine and Paco’s handler. Whether it is joking around or performing the daily rituals Rembert commits his entire self to the task. His knowledge of Manila and the rest of the Philippines is matched only by his fun loving personality. He has also become a companion of Paco’s and mine in one of our favorite sports: Drinking. Now he doesn’t imbibe quite as much as Paco and I but he still appreciates the taste of a stiff drink.

Rembert’s partner in crime is Don Maxi. Maxi bases his life around laughter and travel. So naturally we get along famously. Whenever Paco and I travel it is generally with Maxi and Rembert and the combination of all four of us is trouble brewing. Maxi also acts as a sort of mascot for the BVC, when he comes around the mood immediately lightens.

Finally there is the mysterious renegade Lukas. Now I don’t know a whole lot about him but from what I can gather by looking at him he is a Ronin Samurai who has found a home in the BVC. You never know when he is going to break out a katana and go nuts on his piece of toast or some house hold product. I’m not saying he is an angry person he just looks like he could be easily excitable. For all I know he could be as timid as a church mouse, but he sometimes has this crazy look in his eyes that suggests he is a trained killer. He also is partial to wearing sunglasses at ludicrous times like a cast member of the Matrix which adds to my belief that he is on a violent mission of sorts. All I can say is that I wouldn’t want to be the overlord who crossed this samurai.

Back in a flash...

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Mr. Jones Goes to Washington…or Manila… or maybe it’s a Secret Lair

Over these first few days on this most splendiferous adventure I have united with my new companions in the BVC and they in turn have treated me as royalty. Though it is not the first time that my aura has demanded a certain praise the feeling that accompanies it never grows old. In more recent news Paco and I were invited to one of the most secret locations owned by the BVC. It is rumored that this site is the source of all of their wisdom and power. Concealed as a half finished infrastructure the tell tale signs of ritualistic practices were notched on every wall. Or maybe that was just the measurements for the stained-glass windows, nevertheless there was magic in the air. The order went through the same motions that had become common place in the day to day scheme and my mind began to wonder as it is prone to do.

After the ceremony Paco and I browsed the grounds as per usual recording the schematics of the buildings in our heads we continued a conversation that has become a defining point in our friendship. What are the advantages and weaknesses of the infrastructure if the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse were to take place sooner rather than later. I say inevitable because after our experiences in a now nameless town in Bolivia it is only a matter of time before the virus resurfaces.

The building in question was one of the most fortified that Paco and I had ever crossed. It provided easy access to water and food, high defenses and enough open space that entrapment was almost impossible. Just to get our plan straight Paco and I went over each other’s roles if the ZA should occur. Paco being an excellent marksman as well as a capable gardener would take the role of Tower Defense. Armed with a sniper rifle, he protects the main base from intruders while tending to our food supply. He is also quite capable with a katana and is quite handy at rigging traps around the complex. Now being the wandersome hooligan that I am I would take the role of a scout. Armed with a semi-automatic hunting rifle, a fully automatic sub-machine gun, a sawed-off shotgun with a modified barrel containing a spring loaded battle-ax head for use in extreme close range, a backpack full of basic camping gear, and a bandoleer of explosives I would scrounge around the near country side for any useful gear, survivors, or anything of interest. Hoowrah!!!

After our conversation we went to lunch. It was here that we were shown how far the reach of the BVC was. At our table were two lawyers one of which was a former Congressman and the current Dean of the #1 Law School in Manila. Paco and I realized that not only were our basic needs taken care of but should anything suspicious arise we had more than enough resources at our disposal. The lunch consisted almost entirely of native foods exotic and colorful and with names to hard to pronounce let alone spell. They were mostly delicious though and life if the reader will believe it just became even more exciting for Crackity Jones…

To be connected…

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Red Lions

Aha! I am Manila, its spirit its essence its very soul. There is nothing about this city that escapes my vision. Which is what I will be saying at the end of my adventure. For now I have to explore this new world that has been presented like an oh so sumptuous feast waiting to be devoured. In these first few days the secret order of the BVC has welcomed me like a brother into their fold. I join them daily in their rituals, dancing, singing at the moon, eating their spiritual wafers, bizarre stuff really. After my travels though it is all pretty humdrum. I picked up the schedule so fast in fact that a junior member had mistaken me for one of the masters, I assured him that I was nothing more than a guest in the order though.

Eventually I was introduced to some of my potential students. These young wards were the frontline in the defense of the order’s honor. Using their physical prowess and with a joint effort they continually compete in a tournament to decide who will be the torchbearers of the island. They command the floor with an orange sphere as they seem to defy gravity their bodies twisting in an effort to achieve victory. Truly an amazing vision. I was invited to one of the events in this competition where I was proud to see that the cabal that I had enjoined myself in was a dominant force. They deftly outmaneuvered their opponents to continue their road towards perfection and once again being the so called masters of the islands. Last year the title was taken from them by a mysterious old sect that the BVC had thought they had vanquished. I inquired further about this sect and it turns out that they were founded by none other the Diabolico family. At hearing this I knew that coming to the Philippines was the right decision.

And to top off a great night dear Paco had finally arrived. Apparently there was a typhoon near Tokyo that slowed his otter driven sled to a halt. None the less the versatile Paco mushed his team through and they arrived safely albeit quite tired. United again we decided a day or two of rest was in order before instructing our new students as well as beginning our search into the history of Don Diabolico. It is only a matter of time until we track down the fiend.

Stay tuned…