The Beatles were Right

Today was a day off from work dear followers and I was left to idle. Idleness though is not something I am overly fond of. Sure I don’t mind a good think every once and a while, I even had a lovely stroll around the battlements of the BVC fortress. It is truly a wondrous structure, but the city of Manila is so built up that I can’t actually see a whole lot around me. I spent some time in the library looking for any information I could on Don Diabolico. Sadly my search turned up little except that the Don had a terrible case of acne as a teenager. It was clear that the BVC held the documents on him secret, most likely in a safe that can only opened by that curious key that Tarcisio wears like a necklace.

            So with nothing else to do I sat in my head for a while. Until it came to me, one of the cultural phenomena of the Philippines that I felt so confused about. Having adventured across much of Europe and America and seeing its wondrous structures and meeting its generally friendly people as well as the commercial power they both hold, I knew that the Philippines was a product of the two cultural powerhouses. Something was missing though, something vital. It was whilst sitting and thinking that I finally came upon the answer. The Philippines lacks a drinking culture.

Alas how could I have been so blind? Something that is so vital in my life slipped from underneath my watchful eye. I go for days at a time without a drink at my lips. Readers be advised I am not an alcoholic, I am an alcohol appreciator. From my days riding along with Sir Gawaine in Scotland visiting the various whiskey distilleries and saving fair maidens from themselves to brewing the master beer with the Guild of Holy Inebriation. The Guild consists of a Trappist monk from Belgium known as Br. Hans Maus, a crazy Dutchmen called Lenny, a pair of Irish/English twins called Mic and Mac, a lovely Czech girl named Maria, and the Currator from Bavaria Germany Helmut Biegmeister. Together we invented the perfect beer that could save the world but before the recipe could be sent out it was intercepted by Don Diabolico and destroyed. The Don knew that world peace would mean the end of his power monopolizing. So now the Guild tires day and night to try and perfect the brew once again while I track down the Don.

            So back to my troubles in Manila. Being unable to get to a shop to purchase the “water of life,” I have been forced to recreate a contraption I devised while on my tour of the International Space Station. Basically I’m moonshining in my room. Tubes and pots and fumes abound all solar powered as I don’t want the energy bill to give the BVC any suspicions of my actions. I learned how to rig up the contraption from MacGyver. No not the television personality, a crazed Scotsman with a penchant for the unorthodox, especially when it comes to alcohol making. I had tried to get him in the Guild but he doesn’t exactly work well in groups. He does make one hell of a drop o’shine though.

           

It surprises me that the members of the BVC are not fond of the drink. I have always believed that a man who doesn’t drink is afraid of himself, or at least of showing the world a different side of himself. Now I don’t believe that the alcohol influenced side is a person’s true side, but then again I don’t believe any side is a person’s true side. Which is why the Beatles were right when they said “Everybody’s got something to hide except me and my monkey.” And without the help of my dear chimp Aloysius, I fear that I am the only one not hiding a thing.

Back to the chemistry dear children I can smell the distillation and of course Cheers…